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hobbiesunlimited
Sulitizen
Joined: 24 Dec 2008
Posts: 70
Location: Caloocan City
Sun Mar 08, 2009 2:50 pm |
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oks na oks...hahaha! 
Weekend Workshop on
Voice and Stage Lessons..0915-8101375
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sirvictorius
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 2441
Mon Mar 09, 2009 9:19 am |
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Corporate Lessons
Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower. The doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob, the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg.The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand onto her thigh.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her thigh again. The nun once again said, "Father, please remember Psalm 129!" The priest apologized.
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I normally grant three wishes, but as there are three of you, I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life by my side." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing all day, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients.." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
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ralphdemitri
Ultimate Sulitizen
Joined: 29 Apr 2007
Posts: 9831
Location: Metro Manila
Mon Mar 09, 2009 4:47 pm |
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Eto tinuro samen noon sa Accountancy.
Q: Who is world's 1st Accountant?
A: Adam, because he made the 1st entry...
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tinyplanet
Veteran Sulitizen
Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 818
Location: metro manila
Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:07 pm |
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Husband saw a nude painting of his wife hanging at an art show .
HUSBAND ( angry ) - Did you realy post for that?
WIFE - Dont be ridiculous, he must have painted it from MEMORY !
www.tinyplanet.multiply.com
Whirlpool 22cu/ft no frost Refrigerator
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skateboxx
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 4166
Location: Batangas
Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:01 pm |
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skateboxx
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 4166
Location: Batangas
Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:02 pm |
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greenbaythera
Ultimate Sulitizen
Joined: 17 Feb 2008
Posts: 5790
Location: 719-C Ballesteros st. New Zaniga, Mandaluyong City
Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:54 pm |
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Naaalala niyo pa ba?
amalia fuentes
barbara perez
bella flores
charito solis
corazon rivas
delia razon
gloria romero
lani oteyza
lita gutierrez
paraluman
rebecca del rio
tessie quintana
tita duran
Ngeiiik !!!!
HOY!! BRUHA!! Hindi ka kasali dito.!!
Nasira mo ang magagandang ala-ala ng puting-tabing!
Hayan, tuloy naging putik tabi d'yan
"...because an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure."
http://greenbaythera.multiply.com
http://pamana2008.multiply.com
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macky007
Sulitizen-to-be
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 1
Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:16 am |
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nice story joke 
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skateboxx
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 4166
Location: Batangas
Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:31 pm |
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skateboxx
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 4166
Location: Batangas
Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:31 pm |
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mrfahrenheit
Certified Sulitizen
Joined: 11 Feb 2009
Posts: 276
Location: Caloocan City
Fri Mar 13, 2009 12:48 pm |
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Everybody I know who has a dog, usually calls
him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex
has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to
renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a
license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care
what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have
had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must
have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I
told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He
told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But
Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal
life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would
enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the
Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then
on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that
every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't
understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said,
"Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the
contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You
don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on
TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody
of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married
but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me
too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for
her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." --
My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day
when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked
me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex
has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever.
I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said,
"Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best
friend
so get yourself a dog."
Punish the Deed... not the Breed.
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mannyflorendo
Sulitizen
Joined: 05 Dec 2007
Posts: 72
Location: Ortigas Center, Philippines
Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:21 am |
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he.he. he... very nice!
| speedjay wrote: | Tnx po...share din po kayo para masaya!!!
e2 pa po isa.
Why I fired my secretary
Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That
Morning.
I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And
Say, "happy
Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me.
As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "happy
Birthday."
I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember.
My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For The
Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent. As I Walked
Into My
Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!"
I Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered. I Worked
Until One
O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said, You Know, It's Such A
Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To Lunch,
Just You
And Me."
I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day.
Let's Go!"
We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We
Dined Instead
At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I
Enjoyed
The Meal Tremendously . On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said,
"you Know,
It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need To Go Back To The Office,
Do We?" I
Responded, "i Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"
She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment." After Arriving At Her Apartment
Jane
Turned To Me And Said, "boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step
Into The
Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back."
"ok." I Nervously Replied. She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A
Couple Of
Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My
Wife,
Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends And Co-workers, All Singing "happy
Birthday".
And I Just Sat There...
On The Couch...
Naked. |
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mannyflorendo
Sulitizen
Joined: 05 Dec 2007
Posts: 72
Location: Ortigas Center, Philippines
Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:32 am |
| Post subject: New Businessman |
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Hi! This is my share. hope you'll like this joke..
A new businessman had just started his own sales business. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with display materials.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the new businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
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mannyflorendo
Sulitizen
Joined: 05 Dec 2007
Posts: 72
Location: Ortigas Center, Philippines
Sat Mar 14, 2009 10:37 am |
| Post subject: JOB APPLICANT |
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young graduate fresh out of La Salle, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The proud applicant said, "in the neighborhood of Php200,000 a month, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "well, what would you say to 2 months vacation, 12 paid holidays, full medical and dental, full retirement package after 5years, and two company cars?"
The engineer sat up straight and said, "wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "obviously ...but you started it."
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skateboxx
Supreme Sulitizen
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 4166
Location: Batangas
Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:28 pm |
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